The Act of Giving Birth

I am always in awe and admiration at the creativity of others…especially when it makes me laugh. Since I’m in the last month of the home stretch, I’ve been thinking a lot about the actual ACT of giving birth. I’ve watched EVERY birth video on youtube, read as much material as I could get my hands on, and asked friends at length about their experiences. Even though I know how “things work” there’s still a little tape in the back of my head that keeps repeating, “Something the size of WHAT is gonna come out of WHERE???” I always beat the thought back with, “Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time – you’ll be fine.”

From what I gather, it doesn’t matter how much you prepare, you’ll never be 100% ready for the birth experience until you’ve been there yourself. I just can’t help but wonder what the trick is or mental switch (if there is one) that can be flipped on to have a better birth experience. I’ve read a lot of birth stories and wonder how there could be such a difference between the woman who gives birth with no drugs and says she didn’t need them because she wasn’t in pain, versus the woman who takes every drug available and still has a horrific time.

Take for instance, the photos below. How is it that some women give birth and look like they just got back from the mall, while others look like they got ran over by a Mack Truck on the way back from the mall?

Mall Beauty <- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -> Mack Truck

I dunno. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see what category I fall under. I suppose in the end, as long as you’ve got that beautiful healthy baby in the photo next to you, it doesn’t matter.

On Notice

I did it.
I called the Primary President and put in my notice. This Sunday will be my last in the Nursery. As much as I will miss being in Nursery, it’s definitely time to take a break. I have been there just over 3 years and it has been the absolute BEST calling I’ve ever had. Since Mother’s Day, it’s gradually been getting physically harder to do. I thought for sure that they would have released me by now, but as the weeks kept going by I realized if I didn’t speak up and say something, I may be giving birth in the Nursery room.

I did feel kinda bad for the Primary President. They just re-organized the entire presidency last month and she seemed extremely overwhelmed. She let me know that it has not been easy getting people to help in Nursery. We have a HUGE ward – are that many people saying NO to a Nursery calling? If so, it may be time to set a limit on how many kids can be in the Nursery at one time and the rest will just have to sit with their parents. Sorry- this isn’t daycare!

I got over feeling bad pretty quickly though. After all, they’ve had 8 months to replace me and nothing was done. It will be a strange adjustment, but I am pretty excited to start a new chapter in my life. But that's next week. This week, I'm just going to enjoy every last moment I have with those babies. I'll miss them terribly.

MISSING: My Ankles

I swore I left for work with my feet and ankles firmly attached, but sometime during the workday they were stolen and replaced with a mean set of cankles and marshmallow feet.

I do admit I was fascinated with the fact that if I pushed on the new foot or ankle, the indent would stay.

As fascinating as this was, I would still like my skinny ankles and un-swollen feet back. A plate of brownies is being offered as a reward to anyone who has information leading to the capture of the culprit and the safe return of my former feet and ankles. Thank you.

POSSIBLE SUSPECT:

And The Winner Is...

I had quite a weekend. Some bad, lots of good – at the end, it’s all just part of life.


As for my continuing fight, round two went to...
The Barrage of Extra Testing! Dang!

Thursday, the hospital called to inform me that my glucose test didn’t go so well. My blood sugar level was a little high, so they wanted me to come in to do a 3-HOUR glucose test. There goes my Saturday! So like any responsible adult faced with the possibility of having pregnancy diabetes, I went home and had a giant bowl of ice cream before the doctors could tell me I couldn’t. Perhaps I’m a bit passive-aggressive…or you could just call me a stubborn brat.

Friday I turned in my 24-hour urine test. I made sure my hair and makeup were done for my grand entrance into the lab. For me, I guess there’s something just a little less humiliating about handing over my ice cold jug-o-pee to a complete stranger if I know I at least look great doing it! HOT!!!
I quietly and stealthily slipped into the lab as to not direct attention to myself or my top-secret package. I understand those who work in a hospital lab see this stuff all day long, but it still kind of threw me back a little to see the lab tech SHRED the paper bag the jug was in like it was Christmas morning. So much for discrete, and Merry Christmas to you!!

Saturday morning I headed down to the hospital to do my 3-hour test. I had to fast for 12 hours before the test so by the time I was done I hadn't eaten in 16 hours. The waiting room was full of other pregnant ladies doing the same test and really old people in really bad Hawaiian shirts. When I went back for my first blood draw, the lab tech asked me if I was pregnant. Immediately my brain launched into a Bill Engvall comedy routine, "Nope! I just ate a nice juicy basketball! Here's yer sign" Ummm, duh? I just politely said "yes". Made it through the testing and headed home full of needle holes in my arms.


Monday morning (today) I called in to get my test results...
..and with one knock-out punch, the winner is...

Pregnant Lady Extraordinaire!!!

That's right! I came, I saw, I kicked their trash! All of my tests came back normal. Me and the baby are fine and there's nothing to worry about. Whew!! How 'bout another round of ice cream?? Just kidding!

Other Cool Stuff That Happened This Weekend...
I got out my mom's sewing machine and pretended to know how to sew again. I worked on the crib bumper. Didn't get it finished, but got a good dent in the project.

Saturday, Aaron fished a night-time bass tournament. (they fish all night and get home in the morning) When Aaron got home at 5:30 a.m. Sunday, he was so excited to let me know he not only caught the biggest fish ($$) of the whole tournament, but he and his partner also won first place in the tournament ($$$$) Woohoo! Way to go! I was so proud of him.

I made him a french toast "Hero Breakfast" before he headed off to work 3 hours later.

Later that night we headed over to my mom's to celebrate my sister, Kelle's birthday. We had a great time being together as a family and it was a perfect way to end the weekend.

Fight To The Finish

I had my usual baby check-up this morning. My blood pressure was high and I had gained a bit more weight this month than I should have (Oops! Blegian ice cream sandwhich, maybe??). Unfortunately, this opened a can of worms called extra testing just to make sure I wasn't getting preeclampsia. I also had to do my glucose test since I didn't do it last month because I was terribly sick and didn't feel like it (read " How Not To Plan A Romantic Getaway")

With all of the testing that came flying at me this morning, I felt like I was in a fight to prove that me and the baby are just fine. So to the tests I say, "Bring it, Princess!!!"

"In this corner we have, Pregnant Lady Extraordinaire! With her expanding girth and expert waddling ability - how could she lose???"

"And in this corner, we have The Barrage of Extra Testing! Looming pregnancy diabetes, fetal stress test and the feared preeclampsia test complete with a 24 hour urine collection jug, with such fierce competitors - who will the winner be???"

So I jumped into the fight. Gulped down the fake orange soda for the glucose test, got all of my blood work done and was given the gift of a giant collector jug complete with a collection bowl, which kind of looks like a cowboy hat when you turn it upside down. They were nice enough to put it in a discrete HUGE brown paper bag. Sweet. Then I headed to the 3rd floor for the fetal stress test. I got to kick back in a comfy lounge chair, watch TV and sip apple juice. Whadoyaknow? My blood pressure went way back down to normal. I guess there's just something about being greeted at the doctors' office with a urine sample cup and a weight scale that freaks me out and makes my blood pressure go up. Who knew??

My fetal stress test and blood pressure tests were just perfect! "Round one goes to Pregnant Lady Extraordinaire!!!"

Tomorrow morning I get to start my 24 hour urine sample collection. Oh joy. Aaron is already doing dry heaves just thinking about a big jug of his wife's pee sitting in the fridge. If I know Aaron, he'll have a portable cooler system rigged up for me by the time he gets home from work. I've got to take it to the office tomorrow too. Nothin' like opening the fridge at work to find a co-worker's jug of pee next to your bagged lunch. This should be interesting...

I've gotta wait a few days for the blood work to come back. At least for now I'm winning. Take that, stupid tests!

We Crack Us Up

There are some photos in every one's collection that just make you crack up. It may not be funny to anyone else, but there's just something about it that just makes you snicker thinking about the story surrounding the photo.

I was going through some of Aaron's old high school photos and came across some pictures of various hunting excursions he had been on. When I came across the photo below, I couldn't help but bust up laughing. I love the smirk on his face. It means he's thinking something rotten and ornery and I wish I knew his exact thoughts at that moment with that duck.
A couple of years ago, Aaron and my sister Kelle were looking through some of my baby photos and came across this gem:
They both launched into a giggling tirade of "what the heck is all over your face?!?!". Mud? Pudding? Poo? I was too young to remember what I had gotten into, but apparently I had been having a good time. Every once in a while Aaron will bring up the photo with the stuff all over my face and say, "What was that on your face again? Poo?" and starts laughing at me. Good times.

Frankinfeet

This is a close-up of my foot:

I have been seriously neglecting my feet. I knew they were looking pretty crusty, but I didn't do anything about it because-who looks at feet that close? Well, Sunday I got my answer.

I was sitting on the floor in Nursery playing with the kids and one adorable 3 year old points to my dry, canyon-cracked heels and says "You got an owie?" A bit embarrassed, I said, "No, it's OK." She still seemed very concerned and asked "Does it hurt?" by then another angel sitting next to me seemed worried about my condition, looks at my feet and says "You need a band-aid."

True honesty out of the mouths of babes. That's like when a little one tells you you're fat, there's no backing out. You know it's true, because they don't know any better. OK! I get it! My feet are gross. I will work on them this week so I don't traumatize the kids in Nursery.

The ABC's of Me

Lots of people runnin’ around playing tag. Here you go, Melonnie!

A- Attached or single: Happily attached for 4 ½ years

B- Best Friend: The love of my life, Aaron
C-Cake or Pie: Nothin’ beats a home-made pie

D-Day of Choice: Saturday – my only “free day” to get stuff done

E- Essential Item: Bare Minerals Make-up

F- Favorite Color: Periwinkle Purple

G- Gummi Bears or Worms: Bears. They’re smaller and I can only eat a couple. Gummy bears and worms always give me a tummy ache

H- Hometown: Me ‘n Snoop dig Chino, CA

I- Indulgence(s): Free time alone to work on home-improvement projects. I usually end up cleaning the house, though

.J- January or July: January. Heat and chubby women don’t mix

K-Kids: One in the oven!

L-Life is incomplete without: Someone to love and someone to love you back

M- Marriage Date: November 15, 2003

N- Number of Siblings: Depends on how you count…the “original” 6, then 5 step siblings, then 2 beautiful S-I-Ls and 2 B-I-Ls

O- Oranges or Apples: Oranges – a family tradition

P- Phobias or Fears: Spiders, claustrophobic, not being able to breathe

Q- Quote(s): Some things I say a lot: “no complaints”, (after I screw up) “I do other things well”, and “you got it”

R- Reason To Smile: I’ve got a baby coming in 2 months!

S- Season: Fall, cool weather and brilliant colors

T- Tag Eight: Think I’ll pass. I think I’m the last one to get this

U- Unknown Fact About Me: I am DYING to learn to play the drums

V- Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Meat is Yummy!

W- Worst Habit: I eat poorly

X- X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasound! Kaiser is cheap, I only get one.

Y- Your Favorite Food: Carbs & Sugar

Z- Zodiac: Leo – doesn’t fit me at all

30 Weeks Pregnant and Nobody Warned Me!!!

What to do when it's late at night and your husband has to work? Take photos of your 30 week pregnant tummy- what else?

I'm pretty excited that I made it to this mile marker, but I have to admit, this has been a very hard week so far. For the last month things have started to get a bit uncomfortable "down there". It felt like I had been riding a mountain bike, but it was nothing I couldn't deal with, bones softening and ligaments stretching...sure that's normal. The activities from Saturday (read post below) had me up and moving far more than my body was willing to handle and I could hardly walk Saturday night and by Sunday I felt like I had been kicked in the crotch and had to walk slow. Monday I was feeling better but made the mistake of going to Costco and Walmart after work, I was back to square one. So here I am on Wednesday, I still have to take baby steps, walk slow, it's torture to get in and out of bed. Aaron said that I'll just have to take it easy, but I work at a job where I'm sitting down all day, how much easier could I take it? I can't stand up for more than a 1/2 hour before I need to sit down again. I feel like more of an old lady than a pregnant lady and I'm quite literally "butt-hurt" about the whole thing.

Since my friends started having babies about 8 years ago, I have been drilling them with several Q & A sessions, I asked them about EVERYTHING, even the gross stuff. Somehow, this subject got left out of their answers. It leaves me to wonder, did they just not get the "kicked in the crotch" syndrome? I thought for sure I wouldn't be waddling until next month. Guess I'm an over-achiever in this department. Hooray for me.

Men + BBQ + Swords = Women Clean Up The Mess

On Saturday I spent the day busting my butt cleaning and organizing the house. I've got a lot of work to do before the baby gets here. Aaron and I had talked about maybe having the neighbors (Tom & Krisz) over for dinner that night, but there were no definite plans. It was almost 6pm (that's when Aaron gets off of work) so I figured I had a solid 40 minutes to get working on dinner before he got home. Then the phone rang...

Aaron let me know he'd sent messages to my cell phone and called the house and I didn't answer. (I was rockin' out while I was cleaning and didn't hear the phone) He let me know that he got off work early and I had about 5 minutes before we had a house full of people he had invited over. D'oh!

I raced into hyperactive speed and made the house look as presentable as possible and got out all the food we were planning on eating with the neighbors, only now we had three more people coming. Luckily, everyone was running a bit late so I was pretty on top of things by the time everyone showed up. I got all of the food prepped and made with some help from the guests. Aaron did a killer job on the grill as usual and it turned out great.

The boys started talking about the upcoming Demolition Derby in Chino and the possibility of entering a car in the derby. Our neighbor builds off roading vehicles so all of the guys headed over to Tom and Krisz's to check out his gear....leaving us ladies to clean up the mess. Thanks, guys.

We got the kitchen under control and ate our dessert without the boys. It was after midnight and we still hadn't heard from them, so we headed over to the neighbors to see what they were up to.

When we got there, we found 4 sweaty men cleaning swords in the kitchen sink. Hmmm...that's a new one. Our neighbor also has an extensive collection of medieval swords. Apparently, the guys decided to go in the backyard and chuck lemons at each other while trying to chop them mid-air with the swords, they even had a medieval helmet. I did have to give them points for creativity. Stupid, but creative.

We hung out for a while, and finally got home and to bed a 2 am, I was toast. Sunday afternoon, Aaron was talking to Tom on the phone. In the morning, his wife looked out the window and asked what all the yellow things in the grass were. I guess the boys didn't bother to clean up that mess either, and Krisz got to spend the morning picking up hacked lemon chunks out of the grass. Again...thanks guys.