Need some serious help here. Moms, please let me know what I’m doing wrong…My sister-in-law has 3 boys. She watches at least 3 other kids (sometimes more) five days a week, does all the school and pre-school runs, football and baseball practice, grocery shopping, laundry, goes to all the family and friend get-togethers and still manages to have her house for the most part, clean and put together. Last month I asked her how she gets anything done. She told me I would eventually get into my own groove and find a way to get everything done.
Everett is 5 months old now, and I’ve still got no groove.
I still feel like the gawky white girl with no rhythm desperately trying to “look natural” on the dance floor, but failing miserably.
I watch other mothers who have perfect hair, makeup and nails, get to the gym everyday, have beautifully landscaped yards and no dishes in the sink. I can’t help but wonder where the heck they get the time to put their lives together like that?
I’ve come up with two possible conclusions:
1. Their husbands must have no life and watch the kids for hours on end
2. They ignore their children….a lot.
I’m feeling like a complete failure in almost every department of my life. I simply just can’t find the time to get everything done and I’m feeling insanely overwhelmed.
I’ve got to be up with the baby all night, iron Aaron’s clothes and get him out the door for work, get Everett fed, dressed and diaper bag ready, get myself showered and fed, get out the door to work, try to be productive having a baby at work with me, get home and feed the baby, pay attention to our neglected dog, feel guilty about avoiding that lady from church that wants to give me another calling, make dinner, do the dishes, work on the laundry and somehow figure out how the vacuuming, bathroom cleaning and dusting will get done all while the baby is whining to be picked up. My poor husband is begging for attention and wondering why our yard is overgrown and nicely ignores the fact that I haven’t put on makeup or done my hair all week, and if I could squeeze in a bit of exercise, that would be cool too. And did I mention my hair is falling out? Nice.
I’ve got a lot on my plate but I’m no different from any other mother. Sure, Aaron works insane hours so I’m on my own a lot of the time, but that is no excuse – is it?
The truth is, I look like garbage every day – I am the ugly unkempt lady at the grocery store. I’m tired every day. My house is filthy. My once beautiful yard looks like a jungle. Aaron has got to be so disappointed with me even though he would never express it vocally. Every single day I feel like I’m falling farther behind and will never catch up.
What I’m wondering is, is everyone just as screwed up as me and faking being put together or am I just not very good at homemaking and terrible at time management? Please be blunt, don't sugar coat anything-it's not helpful. I gotta know.
7 comments:
Love the picture...nice!
Huh! I forgot about that but know that you say that I remember. It's not to creepy they are pretty nice snakes.
Hmmm. It takes some time to figure out your system and that system will change as kids get older and as you add more. With a little one I used the Baby Bjorn. It worked for each of my kids and was a lifesaver, that was the only way to get housework done. I hope that helps. Have a great day!!!
Let me tell ya....it took me almost 2 years to find my groove. And some days I'm still lost! A day that I can get my hair and make up done before 3pm is a good day! Trust me...you'll find it. I had to learn to relax and not stress the little things. Good luck..!!
Caroline... I want to write you a novel, but I only have about 5 minutes...
I just want you to know that I feel the same way... and although I have 4 kids, I felt the same way with 1 kid. It takes me a good 6 months to RE-PRIORITIZE my life after having each kid. YOU CAN'T do it all. After each addition more and more things (that at one time were priorities to me) HAD to get thrown out the window. It is all about simplification, and getting rid of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is not MANDATORY. My house is NEVER clean anymore. I do the best I can...which is NEVER enough. My laundry may get washed, but doesn't get put away before the following week laundry day...Eric has had to step it up a notch with every addition. He did not used to do anything, but he added dishes to his chore list after #1, trash with #2, anything and everything outside/yard stuff after #3, and now has become my right hand man....we are "equal partners" in anything that needs to be done from the second he walks in the door at night. He does the grocery shopping a lot, he helps get the kids bathed periodically... is totally involved in getting kids off to bed etc. Eric works a minimum of 12 hour days, so he only is around for 1 hour of the kids awake time each day. I ONLY look the way I do at church on Sunday, AT CHURCH ON SUNDAY...and maybe on a Saturday night date. TRUST ME, you are seeing other people only at their "best moments". Anyone who claims they "have it down" is a LIAR! Things do become MANAGEABLE over time ONLY after you have CUT OUT everything that makes you a half normal person. I have more to say.... but I will come back later
Anyways... it is time to re-prioritize, and figure out how to SIMPLIFY....ie: cooking bigger portions one night, and eating left overs the next eliminates the need to cook 2 nights etc. Having your meat pre-cooked (see my blog), lowering your expectations of the house cleaning, what you look like, how often the baby "needs" a bath etc. Yes, you will SLOWLY get the hang of things and feel like having one kid is easy.... but not until you have 2 kids.\"/
The first year of baby's life is just plain HARD, because they rely on YOU 100%. Then as they get older, they get hard in different ways... potty training, terrible twos, arguing/talking back, discipline.... it is never ending. Motherhood is JUST PLAIN HARD... it is what shapes us and teaches us the things Heavenly Father sent us here to learn and helps us grow and progress faster than anything else we could do in this life. I didn't fall in love with my role of "Mother" or totally "get it" until after my 3rd baby.....it wasn't until then that I realized just how FAST that 1st year of life FLIES by, and that how clean (or not clean) your house is doesn't REALLY matter in the big picture and won't be remembered. When I am 50, I won't look back and wish I had showered more or wore mascara more often
I want to spend my time during the SHORT amount of time while they are under my watchful care doing the things that really 'count' ENJOYING them, teaching them, preparing them etc. Because THAT is what counts, and THAT is what will be remembered and missed when they are grown and gone.
There is a time and a season for a spotless house...and in my opinion, that season is a LONG way off. Although, I would love to have a clean house, to look perfect, be fit, put together, have great clothes, hair and make up each day, and have a million hobbies etc....those expectations have 'temporarily' been lowered during this season of my life in order to be able to balance the things that are more eternal in nature. You are doing great. The best advice I can give is to try cut out as much as you can that is not eternal in nature, and to simplify in any way you can. When there is something that MUST be done...throw that baby on your hip and get it done, but if it can wait....sit back and snuggle that little cutie..cause in a blink of an eye, you will have 3 more and you will be sending him off to Kindergarten. Sniffle. Sniffle.
I love everything that Kim wrote - she gave some wonderful advice! You will get in the swing of things. Jeff & I discussed that right now we're in survival mode - just trying to get by since Matthew's birth. But slowly and surely we'll get a bit of a routine going & life will get easier. You are a fantastic mother, just like Amy. You'll learn what things you can let go of - I have decided that there's no use fighting the battle against fingerprints on mirrors & glass doors. I sweep my kitchen when I start to notice crumbs sticking to my feet & my bathrooms don't get cleaned as often as I'd like - oh well. I'd rather take the time to sit down & read my kids a story, or just cuddle with Claire when she needs some Mommy time. It's the people that are the most important, not the chores. You'll get in your routine & it'll all work out. Hang in there & know that I think you're one amazing mommy!
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