Day of Dread

I started back to work this week. I was up at 5am feeding Everett and putting him back to sleep. I squeezed into something “office appropriate” and even curled my hair. I tried putting on makeup, but that’s when I lost it and the tears just came. Forget the makeup. It won’t stay on anyway. Aaron was up with me and was doing everything he could think of to help me. He’s such a sweetheart. He told me how nice I looked, even though I know I looked and felt awful. He knows how hard this is for me. I got my little angel out of bed and just held him while he woke up. On came the tears again. I changed him and fed him, and off to Grandma’s house we went.

Our families have been so wonderful through this mess. The combined shout was, “Don’t send him to a babysitter, we’ll watch him!” What a relief. I hate to be away from him, but at least he’s with grandparents all day that will love him. His current nickname is “Hot Potato”. Grandma Carol in the morning, Grandma & Grandpa Scharping in the early afternoon, and Grandma Nettie in the late afternoon. All are within a 2 minute drive or walk from each other, and just a 10 minute drive from my work. It’s the best outcome for a crummy situation.

Being at work seems so empty and unimportant.

Instead of seeing this sweet face:

I have to look at this:Instead of playing and teaching, I’m typing and filing.Instead of making funny noises and faces to get my little one to giggle, I’m making phone calls.There’s no comparison. It’s hard to focus on why I am here.

One day down, 364 to go…